Introduction

 

So here it goes, my first blog. I’m hoping this is interesting. It will certainly be interesting to me but I hope that you, the reader, will find this interesting too. It will certainly be honest. The subject matter may be generic but within everyday events, I will hope to find the humour that makes life bearable. But first of all, time to introduce myself, I am a father of two hilarious kids that I question the sanity of everyday. Honestly, my youngest is the ultimate kamikaze toddler. Most mornings when I’m running around the kitchen trying to sort lunches and feed the dog, he will ring in with his blond ringlets flopping down around his eyes and start to yell at the top of his voice as he spins around in circles. He would then leave the room at a speed not conducive to the post spin dizziness. The resulting crash causes a waterfall of plastic toys to crash all over the floor. Of course, the boy will continue on his merry way without realising the chaos he will have caused. Being the conscientious father I am, I kick them under the toy kitchen to deal with later. By later, I mean when that space is too full to accept any more toys and I have no choice but to sort it out.

My daughter is a little older at six years, going on sixteen. She is determined to be a star of stage and screen; she’s already halfway there as she is the biggest diva I know. While her brother it spinning in the kitchen, she is attempting to floss to whatever music is on tv. Our family dog is a giant 38kg chocolate lab who is the long-suffering foil for most of my kids’ games. On several occasions I tried to separate him from them so he could get some peace only to realise that he loved the fuss and would get back into the chaos as soon as he was let. My wife has a reputation for being a very organised woman who in reality cannot even managed to organise the cutlery drawer if I wasn’t around to rearrange it once she had finished. To be fair, she knows every birthday party for every one of our relatives or our kids’ friends and has usually sorted presents before I even have realised what has happened. She is also a genius at picking up amazing second-hand stuff. Our kids always look well-dressed and our garden has some very good kit in it. It all looks very good but it is good on a very strict budget, though I wish the budget could be smaller.

The only other addition to the family is two out the three guinea pigs we acquired during Covid, the third was the unfortunate victim of being scared to death. Moral of that story is that guinea pigs scared easily so remove them from the area prior to getting a new window fitted next to their hutch.  Our house is three room semi detached that is too small for our menagerie and is in the process of being extended. Yes, I am the genius that committed to a bigger mortgage and additional loans in a cost of living crisis.

So welcome to my blog, these pages will be filled with the frustrated rants of a middle-aged man that is more than a few pounds heavier than he would like to be and trying to lose it. Brace yourselves for some serious rubbish, I hope you enjoy it.